The Mind Behind This
I listened to this
//Sunday, October 18, 2009 12:56 AM
Salam everyone. I have been through my very2 bad day today. Worst day ever! I did felt like this quite so many time before but every time I felt disappointed, I started to think twice. I felt at fault whenever I can't accept my parents order. Is it me the one that should be blamed for all this while?
I feel like an alive machine that has been programmed to follows all their rules. This is so unacceptable for me..for a teenagers like me.. Everyday I must be at home by 7am. sharp! Like a military school! Unless, I will rather received a non stop calls from my mom marah2 tanya "bila aku nak balik rumah xingat nak balik rumah dah ke?". Atleast at 10am will be ok i guess.. Lgpun today public holiday all roads are busy with jammed sane sini. Tak kan xboleh nak consider langsung..
Come on laa.. I also need freedom. Until when i need to keep depending on others.. Or else if u are to afraid of letting me out, why don't u just made your own plan for not giving me a well education and honoredly arrange for my marriage if thats only will make u satisfied! So u don't have to worry about me anymore rite?! Just do whatever u wish! This is sooooooo unfair! U are too selfish! I'm only ask for my own privacy.. My own time.. Is that too much? By then.. I have to stay at home..great u all with a nice smile perhaps just like a "penyambut tetamu"? Plz...... I can't stand this..
I felt soooo ashamed today with my friends..and of coz my lecturer.. By 9am. bising2 tanya "xreti nak balik ke?" OMG..... Whats this... I'm not going anywhere..I just somewhere near around with my lecturer and my other college friends.. For more than 3months I just stay at home like an housewife no outing no meeting my friends outside. Can't u give me a chance for this time..? How do u wish that happen to u??? can u accept that? And later when I arrived at home everyone just.. "....................................................................."
kept quite without a single words.. Doesn't felt guilty at all.. Why? U guys don't have a feeling isn't it..? Whats all this about to u.. Tell me.. Is this how u show that u cares for me? Or actually..takot aku keluar menggatal dgn laki dating dgn boyfriend..? I think this is actually in your mind.. Why u guys being so unfair towards me.. So ridiculous! I knew it..
Enough.. Stop treating me like a statue. I'm also a human being who have feelings too.. And I do feel hurt whenever people treat me like this.. Why can u give me much time just to find little happiness out there and chill with my friends.. I need to release myself too.. Don't labeled me like I don't have problems at all. I do felt down so many time.. But do u know that? U will never understand me.. That's all i asking for.. Is that too much for u? Or I'm the one who asked too much from u guys? Answer me.. Plz..
I can't stand carry one living like this.. It's give me to much pressure. How I wish I have my own life living with my own way.. Do my own things.. My own privacy as well.. At least give me a chance.. I must be at home at 10am. That's wasn't look to hard for me to follow..
Look.. I'm already 20 years old.. Being a teenagers is so unpredictable things when the time comes.. and u really needs a changes to widen your mind..exploring something new in your life time.. I'm not trying to be smarties enough here but i guess people should change their perception on how to learn about others as well. Parents should understand that their children are getting older and they should let their children be more independent on how to deal with life. I will never forget what my parents has told me no matter how far i go.. Why must people treat me like i am still a child? It's so extremely wicked! So mean.. Until when u want to keep control me like this? Can't u sacrifice a bit for me?
It's like a rebellion to myself now.. Fighting with myself and at the end I am the one who at pain.. I couldn't help myself.. My life just a mess.. Living here for other people satisfaction.. They never know how I feel inside..deeply inside.. How hurt I am... I feel so down now.. May God give me strength and happiness that I always want for this while. Ameen..
Thats all for now.
Love u guys.
Take care and be safe.